Normal Life

It's been a while since I have updated. Some of that has been because we are really busy - Ben has been doing a lot at church; Ben and Michael, my brother-in-law, replaced our last two rooms that were carpeted with laminate flooring which was one of the things the doctors felt was really important; I've been getting ready to start working as a chaplain resident next week. Some of it has been because I don't know what to say.

Lila is still doing well. It's going to take time for all of us to recover - Lila especially. She still rests more frequently than I think a 3 year old should, but the docs say that's normal. And she really is doing so much better. So much. She can still run around. She and I have been fighting with a cold for the last week, but she's really holding her own. It gives me such joy and that joy has not dimmed one bit, in fact the opposite, as we are home longer, I am feeling more and more joy. I am still watching Lila closely, I still get up sometimes at night and watch her breathe, the hospital where she stayed and where I will be working some has some bad memories that come back, but really, we are doing so well. Lila has even grown almost two inches in the last month now that she has been off of oral steroids for her longest stretch in almost two years.

When I say that I don't know what to say, it's because I have such gratitude in me toward everyone who is reading this. I don't know how to express that. I keep trying and will keep trying. We continue to receive money from churches in Ohio mostly, where Ben is from, who have heard about us and are supporting us. Every other day it seems, money goes into Lila's account at the bank - from $2 to $1000 and we are grateful for all of it. I hope that if you are reading this and you are the pastor of a church, or a member of a church that has sent money or prayers that you will hear this loud and clear and tell your churches - Thank you. You have made a huge difference in our lives and the life of a very sick little girl. Without your prayers and your support we literally could not have gotten through this. Now that we are on the other side, I can see that so clearly. There are not words enough to tell you how grateful we are.

Looking back, I really cannot see how we made it. Everything was so weighed down by fear and the constant worry of Lila's illness. We were walking through a haze and I only know that because it is starting to lift. There are so many things and discussions and plans that were put off because of all the uncertainty and now normalcy is taking some getting used to. I literally feel lighter. How do I thank a hundred people and several dozen churches for that? How do I thank the doctors and nurses and therapists that finally put the puzzle of Lila's lungs together so we could treat it? I am overflowing with thankfulness and feel like I know what grace is now, more than ever, and I don't know what to do with it. I don't know how many times I can write this before those of you reading say, "Oh there goes Kristin again going on and on about how thankful she is. We get it already!" But I think I want to keep saying it for a while yet.

There is a story about Lila's last day at the hospital in Denver that I haven't shared yet and my dad, who was with us, thinks I should. And since I always listen to my dad...Lila was getting one last check over the Saturday that we were hoping to leave. As the doctor finished listening to her and going over her last breathing test results with me, she suddenly threw herself into his arms - this dignified, though still friendly doctor - and said, "Thank you for making my asthma all better!" (In her little voice it was so cute.) So this terrific doctor hugged her back tight and said, "Oh, Lila, what are we going to do without you here?" And she pulled away, looked him in the eyes, and said to him very solemnly, "You're going to make other kids better just like you did me." That was it - we all got teary - me, doctor, nurse. Lila is grateful too.